Questions

I alluded in one of my recent posts that I have been thinking through some things, wrestling might be more accurate. We have been wandering through some uncertain times lately, and have witnessed some big disappointments, for us and for others. It's natural and common, for believers who trust in a sovereign, omnipotent God of the Universe to ask "why are these things happening?" especially when we know "Who" is in control of all things.

But these past several months, I have been wondering if I will ever have any of the answers to my "why?" questions. I find myself looking for comfort in what I think I see God doing, only to find out as the thing progresses, that he is not doing what I thought he was doing after all - and in fact I didn't really like what He did do.

So I have been wrestling even more deeply with my own question: Where do I look for comfort? In what? In whom?

I thought it was in Jesus, but as circumstances unfold and life brings disappointment, I must confess that I was finding comfort in my circumstances. And not simply IN my circumstances, but how I TRANSLATED God working in my circumstances. I found comfort when I thought I had figured out what God was doing. Only to be disappointed when I was proven wrong.

But I am finding more and more that I have no idea what God is doing. Not in the big picture - in that I know what Scripture says and I rest in the truth that regardless of what I see, He is at work in the world for his glory and for our good. Jesus is the King of the Universe and the rightful King at that. I am not worried about the big picture. In fact I am finding more rest in the big picture than I ever have before. Because I have a deeper sense of thankfulness for the big picture, I think - Jesus gave his life to redeem sinners, that means me. Through Him, I am forgiven, redeemed, accepted and dearly loved by the Father and I know that someday I won't be disappointed anymore. Life on the other side. Glorious peace.

But the little pictures, my picture, my family's picture, my friend's pictures - all the pictures in which he is working out a gallery of glory - I don't understand the brokenness - death, sickness, poverty, betrayal, assault, disappointment. And I would always be frustrated if that became my goal, my passion, my drive in life - to understand the "why?" to everything that goes on in every little picture of those I love, and in my own little picture.

So what can I know?
I can know who.
And I can know where.

Who? God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.

Where? With me. He promised. "Never will I leave you or forsake you."(Heb.13:5) Wow. It sounds callous to say that this never meant that much to me before. I knew it was true, but I didn't KNOW it, I didn't make it mine. Because I had these other things I could run to that held me up, or so I thought.

I have been searching my Bible and I have yet to find anywhere a promise to be spared any of the brokenness of this world. I even think the Lord's promise of protection is not that we will always avoid pain, injury, assault, death in this world (obviously), but that in Christ we are bound for somewhere else were we will always be safe and that He is with us when we are safe and when we are unsafe, when we are healed and when we are not healed, when we get what we are seeking and when it alludes us once again. He does promise to be with us, in every situation, and in every place. And He promises to be our helper, our support, our refuge, our guide, and tons of other stuff meaning He is moving with us and for us in all these things we go though. Those promises abound. And one other thing, not so much a promise as a fact... He has already won. The victory is ours, the party is planned, but there is still work to do. We aren't done yet. And neither is He. And sometimes that's hard to live with.

I'm still thinking on these things. In December, I asked the Lord to show himself to me as friend. I needed to know him more deeply in that way. He has, but not how I would have guessed. He has inundated me with words regarding his steadfast love, like in the book Sacred Sorrow by Michael Card. It seems as if every thing I read right now is teaching me about the steadfast love of the Lord - steadfast - not moving - not moving away from me - with me in every circumstance and situation I enter into, move through and come out of. And even then he is still with me.

A couple of weeks ago I read this verse regarding Joseph's circumstances:
Genesis 39:20-21 And Joseph's master took him and put him into the prison, the place where the king's prisoners were confined, and he was there in prison. But the LORD was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love...Wow.

Could the LORD have opened the prison gates like he did with Peter? Yes. But he didn't. He didn't remove Joseph from prison for two years. But He did sustain him with His steadfast love.

I feel I'm rambling now, but I have wanted to write some of this out for some time. If you got this far, thanks. Any thoughts or comments are welcome. They sharpen me, encourage me, redirect me from error.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.
For that, I am thankful.