Tomorrow marks the second anniversary of my brother's death. And I have really been feeling my grief the past couple of weeks. Some of it because I am far from home again, some of it because his death coincides with another death that has been difficult for people I love very much - and I am far from them as well. So the far-ness, I guess has exasperated my grief this year - no surprise.
But to be honest, while I wish there was no such thing as grief, no reason to know it or feel it - that our loved ones who are not with us anymore, were with us once again -I am glad to have known it - if there has to be such a thing. And this is why.
Grief opens my eyes to the fact that this world is broken and is not how it is supposed to be. That ache in the heart that I feel at the depth of my grief is telling me the world is supposed to be different - better, righter. Grief opens up the possibility of "What if life didn't have to be this way? What if it could be different, not broken?" These types of wrestlings open me up to the deepest longings of my heart. A desire for something more, a desire that takes me outside of myself in search of the One who made me, and this world.
So if my grief draws me closer to God, and stirs in me a longing for Heaven, and a desire to bring Heaven to earth as much as is possible this side of it, then I'll take my grief and miss my brother and know that we were created for so much more.
7 comments:
Heather, this is beautifully worded. Since we have not been in frequent contact over the past few years, I do not remember if I knew your brother had passed away. I am sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I know of your feelings much stronger now than I would have then. My mother went to be with Jesus Feb. 6th, dying of breast cancer that had ravaged her body from hear to toe. I know for me her death has made me absolutely realize how tender life is and only God knows how long we, or those we love, are here for. Thanks for sharing and I'm glad to know your family is still serving our Lord.
In His care,
April Edwards
I love you Heather. Missing you and praying for you. . .wish I could find words. . .
This is a beautiful post, Heather. I'm with you in longing for 'restoration of all things.' Come, Lord Jesus, come.
John
missing you...praying for comfort
Heather,
I loved reading this, because I often feel alone in grieving the effects of living in a fallen world, and longing for so much more, and now I feel like I have company. :) There are just so many things that happen that just don't seem right, and most people don't seem as upset about it as I feel!
Also, it was good to be reminded that God has enabled us to be part of His plan of redemption daily, and that we don't have to just sit around suffering and waiting passively until He returns or we go to be with Him.
After seeing your recent post on what you are reading, I checked out HJSIYS from our library, and it has been a lot to absorb- convicting, but helpful and encouraging at the same time. Thanks for making the recommendation!
Very well said, friend. Much love...
This is beautiful. You, my friend, are beautiful. May God take this and squeeze you tight with a hug only He can give. You are precious to me!!
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