What difference does Easter make?

Today is a difficult day as it is the third anniversary of my brother's death.  That grief was a bit exasperated last year when my uncle died from pancreatic cancer today a year ago.  This year it has been exasperated even more with the accidental death of my cousin, one of the sons of said uncle, on Friday.  Even more, Saturday brought the 4 year mark of the loss of a little boy - a loss that greatly affected so many of my dearly loved, as well as myself.

And yet, in God's providence, Easter came quite late this year and umbrella-ed (a word?) all of this grief.  But I did not find myself comforted - not yet.  Instead, I found myself, for the first time in a while, crying out "God??  What are you doing??"  I found myself saying to people, "If I had read this in a book, I would have found the events so contrived."  I found bitterness rising up in me as I thought about my mother, and her sister, my sweet aunt,  and my cousins - already dreading the "day" ahead that would bring a flood of memories wished away, but then having the fresh shock of yet more grief to compound it. 

And smack in the middle of all of this grief sat Easter Sunday - the celebration of the resurrection of Christ.  I went into Sunday disassociating - looking forward to enjoying the worship and friends and the energy from coming together for a common purpose - and not giving in to melancholy.  And it worked, sort of.  But as I came to check email and such today, I saw the news of my cousin's death was finally being circulated publicly, which brought back to mind my own brother, and I succumbed to grief again.

But God - again, that phrase arrests me.  I don't want to let bitterness even take a little bit of me - so I made myself think on the resurrection of Christ and why it matters.  And it's simple really.

The resurrection of Christ matters because for the first time in history, death did not win.  The resurrection broke death's power, so that now, it does not have the final say.  We will all die, but because of the resurrection, death is not the end.  There is more than this life - and that more has come because Christ beat death. 

So this Easter, maybe because of all the grief surrounding it, maybe I get it's purpose a little more.  Maybe it has hit a bit deeper in my soul than before.  Maybe because of this Easter, I will find more comfort in next Easter - find more hope.  And maybe next Easter, hope will prevail over grief.