Processing...

(from right, Mike, me, and cousin David)

We are home. We returned Saturday and I have been seriously sleeping until now, having laid awake since 4am. Why is that?

My brother's funeral was Wednesday, April 30. I did the eulogy. It was hard, but I did enjoy writing it and thinking, "How would Mike want his story told?" I actually loved what I wrote because I feel like I was able to capture him without embellishing or stretching the truth in any way - what I wrote was him. I thank the Lord for that.

John preached the funeral. How hard is that? It was hard, but he did a great job. He preached from John 11, where Jesus is met with the death of Lazerus, whom he will raise within moments, but that doesn't stop Jesus from feeling the pain of death and it effects. He weeps with us in our grief, and he rages against death, because it is not the way things are supposed to be. Death is a result of living in this broken world this side of Heaven and Jesus rages against it while he walks with us tenderly in our sorrow over our loss.

It was good. Mike would have been moved.

So for now I am processing - we are all processing. But I am not processing without hope. I am confident I will see my brother again. But this will be a difficult year as we walk through all the "firsts" and as my sweet family figures out what life will look like now.

Uggghhhh. I hate this.

But this is not all there is.

Thanks be to God, and his Son Jesus who weeps not just for us, but with us and gives us hope.
Mike and Justin